Wednesday, September 5th, 2007
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9:40 pm
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Saturday, July 28th, 2007
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1:14 am
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I found out Adam Jones had cancer. the doctor who saved my sisters life died after becoming an alcholic and losing his medical practice and the pregnant meth-head who I used to look down apon apparently watched her mother get shot.
It's hard for everyone
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(comment on this)
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Tuesday, May 29th, 2007
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12:01 am
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my leg hurts, my sheets stink. I have run outta things to say, I have run out of entertainment. I'm a machine, we all are. Fuel my working parts and keep me moving. I need a good ramble I haven't had one in awhile. Writing makes me feel like someone is listening like the bumper sticker "Smile: God still loves you". I'm a mindless consumer I produce nothing, I eat food someone else made, live in someone elses house, smoke plants other people grew, read books other people wrote, whatch movies other people made. I have no intellegence I have no personality. I'm not sad I'm really not I don't care anymore I don't know what to care about and even so where to find it. What's left after childhood, when my mind was pure and everything made sense or atleast didn't have to make sense "Every human being on this earth is born with a tragedy, and it isn'toriginal sin. He's born with thetragedy that he has to grow up. That he has to leave the nest, the security, and go out to do battle.He has to lose everything that is lovely and fight for a new loveliness of his own making, and it's atragedy. A lot of people don't have the courage to do it."
and I don't think I'm one of the people
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(comment on this)
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Sunday, April 15th, 2007
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12:45 am
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It's weird how much Dick's sporting good taught me about how little progress I've made, and I'd do it too I can promis that much
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Tuesday, March 20th, 2007
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12:26 am
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It's weird to think about yourself. Who you really are cause thoughts and feelings vary from day to day. And noone really knows what you could be thinking at any given moment, and there is just so much that could never be articulated. How do you put colors and tone into words? What is honest in a world where people change? what is it that makes you keep moving, living works better without thinking yet emotion and logic are part of us for some reason or another. It's all extremes without reasons, from the smell of woods in the morning to the tightened feeling in my stomach in a dakr, dry and warm room. I sometimes wish I could find my self in the badlands atop one of those formless rocks, jumping off the edge not thinking of anything but air and feeling the hot sand before being returned to the great nothingness we all come from and wait to return. It's liberating to rant about nothing. It's liberating to think of how wonderfuly pointless everything is. It's liberating to know we can end it any time any way we want the hardest part would be the consequences of going out with a guilty conscience.
if anyone wants me to paraphrase this, I'm slipping
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(comment on this)
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Monday, January 29th, 2007
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9:00 pm
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Tuesday, January 16th, 2007
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9:35 pm
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Kinda bad day, one of those days where your pissed at everyone for your own problems. Luckily noone noticed. Then felt shitty and tired. doing ok right now
the end
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, January 3rd, 2007
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10:00 pm
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my back is wet, school was alright.
me, liver, wally and white mike sat around and talked about the past it was weird.
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(comment on this)
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Friday, December 29th, 2006
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5:00 am
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it's 4 in the morning. I haven't been able to write in a long time, I'm starting to think I lost it but I always think that and then it pops back so I njever fucking know.
shits complicated I wish I could relax.
I really wanna do teh reasonings with people but it's so hard without a house and no weed
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(comment on this)
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Thursday, December 28th, 2006
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3:40 pm - green
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I feel really stressed and weird lately, I hate culminations
good news I have a penguin that shits candy
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(comment on this)
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Monday, November 20th, 2006
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8:42 pm
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I wish I was like 8, only because any bad stuff was hidden and anything you thought was abd was just some over reaction. I want to feel like I'm still protected and safe. I want the world to see infinite again. I wanna feel like people had more depth to them I just wanna feel like that when I lay down to bed everynight I'm awaiting a new day and not escaping the old one.
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(comment on this)
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Sunday, October 22nd, 2006
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9:27 pm
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I had alot to say but I can't word some of it, some of it I just don't feel like typing so instead.
I have a chest cold.....shit
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Monday, October 2nd, 2006
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10:45 pm
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I started writing againg which I guess is pretty good. All my friends are kinda drifting away but at this point I really have no energy or desire to fight it anymore
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Sunday, September 24th, 2006
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12:05 am
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I just whatched a really good movie and next is thumbsucker so good night.
I'm contemplating quitting just about all bad things I do and seeing a shrink although I used be very opposed to the idea I think it might actually help me cause maybe all I really need is to feel like I have someone I can talk to even if they only want my money and will push me away after an hour.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Monday, September 11th, 2006
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2:14 pm
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I'm home from school because I didn't wanna go and I have a project that I have to do but I've been up for 3 hours and haven't started it. I'm awesome. Melotonin is slowly losing it's ability to make me sleep cause I was up for quite awhile last night sitting up in bed staring at the light that cracks through my door.
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, September 6th, 2006
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9:46 pm
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Today was fucking weird, while in ISS I got really fuckin deressed for awhile so I started reading a textbook haha. It's weird to be locked in a room all day then try and talk to people, never really recovered from it but it was still fun. Bryan and liver really like hacky sack. I bought a new notebook cause I'm god. I wish I ahd never started smoking
poem that I don't wanna lose
Just another rainy day, waiting for a downtown train
thought I could never get far enough away
Sat hopeless with a hat in my lap
I’ve got no need to keep my head dry
that one day from too much digging
all my insides had shown
hadn’t been big deal for a long time
but now I get some time alone
some people say that the wind is dancing
and the trees can whisper your name
But for awhile mother nature has always sounded the same
And times are getting hard, cuts soon turn to scars
but I love it, when you smile
The houses store gold, but all of them were soon sold
for a slip of paper that said, “I owe you”
words can only travel so far
I know you mean some of it
I know you do, I know you do
I curse the road of dirt that led me this far in the first place
But you only a puzzle piece at a time
I guess it’s prettier at your pace
It all looks better together, on some dark humid night
could you give me a light
I think you might, I think you might
on a constant moving train, a track with out stations
was this all fate? Or just some stupid misconception
but if I could turn around
and promise you peace can come still
You know I will, you know I will
Ps. why is it that almost all my female friends call me samuel, I find it cute
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Friday, August 11th, 2006
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10:44 pm
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Guess I can pick up my cards and tally my score
Cause god knows I can’t hang around anymore
Sitting on the sidelines giving someone else my turn
But I always have week ambitions
and too much time to burn
I can see you moving in for the kill
Means nothing to you but a bag of bones
some stupid cheap thrill
But I’m not the kind
to change your mind
I sweat too much
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Wednesday, August 9th, 2006
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9:22 pm - This is amazingly shitty
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I spent a few days trapped in a dream
Perfectly suited for two
dangling from power lines
is this too much for you?
Fell through a hole deeper than the sea
deeper than the sheltered sky
you all wanted to built for me
I can spin the truth however I please
and all those constant lies
you force me to say
this a message telling you it makes my day
The birds only fly out of instinct
their freedom can never last
I’m sorry I held back her identity
put you can’t know I live in the past
but we are who we are
There’s not too much I can too
we’re just too flowing currents
trying to make it through
Is this what you wanna hear?
You shut me out long enough
long enough for me to know
T hat none of your morality tales will make this ok
So lets strive day to day
and keep quiet this time
This isn’t a confession
it’s more of an explanation
and I’ll shrug you off until you understand
But you won’t stick around with one foot out the door
and you’ll never hear me out
you always have an ear to the ground
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(comment on this)
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Sunday, July 30th, 2006
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1:18 am
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Friday, July 28th, 2006
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12:27 am - I am this bored....................
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1. Are you in a relationship?
No
3. How often do you visit your MySpace profile?
depends
4. What is your favorite candy?
fast break
5. What are your favorite shoes?
shitty converse
6. Have you ever tripped going up steps?
probably
7. Do you have a vacation planned for this summer yet?
almost over
9. Do you own a Fall Out Boy CD?
nope
10. Do you like amusement parks?
they're ok
11. Do you ride rollercoasters?
yeah soemtimes
12. What is your current favorite CD?
I dunno
13. Can you touch your tongue to your nose?
if i push my nose down
14. When was the last time you were in the water?
I dunno a few days
15. Do you like beer?
it's ok ocasionaly
16 Are you confused about someone?
Not really
17. What is the most embarrassing CD you own?
I don't know
18. Are you happy?
Not really
19. Can you drive?
sorta
20. In your opinion, what is the best summer smell?
rain
21. Socks and sandals?
socks
22. Who was the last person to go to the movies with you?
ummm griffin, bryan, gazda, walloga, sean, ryan, liver
23. What's one thing you really hope to do this summer?
have a send off mwhaha
24. Do you like to go Mini-Golfing?
No, I didn't ven like it when i was little
25. Are you moving this summer?
No
26. Are you going to be starting a new job this summer?
No, I wish
27. Have you ever slapped someone?
yea
28. Do you get poison ivy?..
Nope, poison oak
29. Do you plan on going camping this summer?
no
30. What's the last resturant you ate at?
golden carol
31. Favorite pizza topping?
extra cheese
32. Jeans or shorts?
jeans
33. Do u play any Sports?
Not really anymore
34. Do you use Chapstick?
No
35. What were the last 3 movies you watched?
I have no fuckin clue man
37. Are you too Forgiving?
Sometimes
38. How many pets do you have?
1
39. Do you own clothing from Hot Topic?
I don't think so anymore, that place annoys me now
40. What is your favorite breakfast?
waffles with syrup, or leftover pizza ha
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